It's the stupid, small
details that will get you in the end. It is the fact that something
actually happened two days earlier, and somehow that changes
everything. It's the fact that he took her with him on that trip. You just don't get
to know these thing anymore. You're not in the loop.
That's the problem with
the small details. They pop up in Twitter feeds and fall out of
people's mouths when they aren't looking. But they are so seemingly
insignificant that no one else seems to understand when you need to
take three deep breaths or walk away. Because suddenly your chest has
got a little too tight. There's an ache in your stomach that would
need a knife to justify it. And no one understands why those few days
make any difference. Maybe you would have acted differently if you
had know then. But you didn't know, whether your dates are right or
slightly off. You acted the way you did with the information you had
at the time and it has past. There is nothing you can do to change
it.
It doesn't matter if he
took her on that trip too. He could take her or he could not take her
and that doesn't change anything. You could know about it or not and
that still doesn't change anything. They feel the way they feel and
you feel the way you feel and sooner or later you will let the dust
settle. It still hurts and you can still feel the black scribbles
just below your breast bone. But they will gone by the morning.
You just need to keep
reminding yourself one thing: you are moving forward. Sure, details
like these are icy patches on the ground; you didn't see them coming
and you slipped. Sometimes you catch yourself before you go down and
sometimes you don't. Sometimes there's someone there and sometimes
there's not. But you are still moving forward. That icy patch and all
the others are there but they aren't going to stop you. Maybe they
take your breath for a few seconds or maybe they knock you down for a
day. But you are going to keep going. And the icy patches will get
less. One day there might not be any. But it doesn't matter if they
are gone in five months or two years. They aren't
going to stop you.
